Greed is Good...

...um, no, it isn't. Its inherently destructive -- it turns one from being a feeling, caring human being into a gobbling, dissatisfied consumer.

I feel like house-hunting is walking in temptation -- the call to want more, more, more and to spend more, more, more. We want a slightly bigger house with a more traditional layout. But if you're going to all that trouble, paying closing costs and moving, why not get more? You don't want to move now and then feel squeezed in a few years and have to buy another, bigger house? I also don't want to be house poor. I like ordering take-out once a week. Besides, a bigger house will only call for furniture that I don't have. Though we could fill it with toys and books[my material weakness].

We have too much stuff. We have so much stuff that I can't find the stuff I want to find because there is other stuff in the way. I don't scrapbook because I can't get to my materials because there is stuff in the way. I have to go out and buy stuff I already own because I can't find what I own. Thats just sick.

Okay, deep breaths. As I begin the process of de-cluttering, I realize we have all we need, if only I could find it. Would I be able to find it in a bigger house? Probably for a few months, then again, maybe not even that long because it would take longer to unpack, so that would become the new obstacle for finding things.

Meredith suggested I read Pema Chodron. I got one of her books from the library, Start Where You Are. I will post about that later. It definitely emphasizes awareness and satisfaction, ideas that at times seem at odds with house hunting.

Some of the realtors get to me. We live on the less prestigious side of a prestigious neighborhood. When we look at houses on 'the other side of the tracks' the realtors seem to always ask if we want to move 'up' for the schools. Ha ha. No thank you, I went to worse schools and turned out just fine, thank you. Sometimes it all seems so fake.

Then again, there are plenty of real people out there with real values and I keep finding them. God continues to be gracious to me though I am unworthy.

Do my posts seem like really bad Faulkner (okay, I've only read Sound and the Fury)? I've got to go back to journaling them first.