How Do You Explain Suffering?

I was telling Larry that my view of tragedy is that God has a plan and he wants the best for us, so that, I hope, present suffering has a purpose, even if I don't know what that is, and there are better things to come. Perhaps this whole life is like the bad dream that we awaken from after we die. Its one way to deal with the fact that we're all going to die. I realize this philosophy is naive and derived from the viewpoint I picked up from my Reformed Bible study (or as Larry put it, its quite Calvinist). I don't think of my view as predestination (thats for Presbyterians and I'm not) but as some sort of complicated view of the intersection of the temporal with the eternal which we can't understand. But thats probably what predestination is. Its where I am now, I don't necessarily think its right, but its how I cope.

The Susan Howatch novels, which I adore, seem to be espousing the idea that creation is on-going and that we are all part of trying to make things 'come right,' which I suppose they eventually will, its just we get to decide whether we try to actively contribute to it or whether we work against it and against ourselves. I don't know what this doctrine is called.

The other night, my DH and I watched 21 Grams, which I'd been wanting to see for awhile. It sort of sounds like its a movie about drugs, its not, 21 grams is supposedly the weight of the soul and the movie is about loving and death and religion and hell and redemption. I highly recommend it, though its work to watch because the chronology jumps around (along the lines of Memento, but not as strange or as clear-cut). The basic story is that an evangelistic, fundamentalist Christian accidently kills a man and his two young daughters in a hit and run accident. The movie is what happens to the wife/mother of the victims, the driver, and the recipient of the husband's heart. Its pretty intense. It also has a lot of religious imagery -- I think I caught the most overt of it, though there is probably plenty more -- my favorites, the last names of the characters, Jordan, Rivers and Peck. By the way, the fundamentalist is (predictably) portrayed as a holy-roller and a bit of a nut.

Anyway, a wonderful scene, which I'd like to watch again, is when the driver is visited in prison by his pastor. They argue about what is going on -- why did this happen? The driver insists it happened because Jesus wanted it to happen (at least he's consistent, earlier in the film, he said he won his truck in a lottery because Jesus wanted him to have it). The pastor insists that it was just an accident. They argue, the pastor says that part of the problem is the driver's arrogance and he must pray for forgiveness, to which the driver asks, why do I have to ask for forgiveness if it was an accident? They yell, they both quote scripture at each other. The pastor screams at the driver that he needs to renounce his pride or he's going to hell. The driver points at his head and says "this is hell." I thought it was very moving. I'm sure I've mangled the scene in my memory, but I thought it was a very powerful scene, showing the problem with fundamentalism -- neither answer really makes sense. How could God or Jesus want such a tragedy to occur? How could he allow such a terrible accident? Is the accident a way of punishing us for our sins?

Maybe we can't know the cause of some tragedies, maybe we're not meant to know. Maybe our job is to figure out how to move along, staying on our path or finding it again.

Learning Math

We had a playdate with homeschool friends of ours today. I was recommending my blog to the hsing mom for some of my hs posts and I mentioned that I had done a few on hsing math. To my horror (overstatement), I've noticed that I haven't done a post with resources for helping your child learn math -- I thought I had. Well, now's as good a time as any.

My oldest is 4 years-old and I take an unschooling approach. What this means is I don't try to teach her math, but I do acquire lots of math stuff -- books and manipulatives and toys; we have a 100 chart on the wall in the kitchen that she looks at often and uses as a guide. I try to strew my daughter's path (an unschooling term coined by Sandra Dodd, I think; definitely not original to me) and let her find things she wants to play with or books she wants to peruse. When she has questions or wants to play or read, I'm all hers, or I try to be.

So far, she seems be learning counting, greater than/less than, sequencing, matching/sorting. She's getting interested in adding and realizing that numbers can be added up in various ways -- today she was noting that 4 can be 3 plus 1 but also 2 plus 2. I figure thats progress.

Ah, yes, I must also admit that we have plenty of workbooks lying around the house which she'll pick up and work on when she's in the mood. I'm not thrilled with workbooks, but if she wants to do them and learns something, thats great.

Books:
There are lots of books about math out there. One source is the library, under the subject term Mathematics -- Children's Material. Rosemary Wells wrote a Get Ready for Kindergarten Series which has a couple of math books, outside that series but by the same author is Bunny Party and Bunny Money. The Get Ready Series is not as interesting, its not much of a story and its set in a classroom -- something hsers may not want to push if they are worried it will make their children feel weird for not being in school. The Bunny books are cute stories about a big sister and her troublesome younger brother and their ever-understanding grandmother. Definitely cute and worth a look.

I just ordered 10 Friends by Bruce Goldstone -- its illustrates the various ways numbers can add up to ten.

Math Start Series by Stuart Murphy -- he has written a lot of books and sorts them into a few levels. Each book focuses on a single math topic, like sequencing, sets, matching, counting, etc. The stories vary, some are cute, some are sort of lame, but my DD likes them. What I really like about them is that each book has a parent page which suggests activities and a few other children's books that address the same math topic.

Eric Carle has wonderful books, some of which focus more on math than others -- there is one about the zoo thats especially math oriented.

Anno has wonderful wordless picture books dealing with math -- we've used Anno's Counting book, but he also has books involving math puzzles that are more advanced.

Loreen Leedy has written several books about addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. These are pretty active looking books, probably better for older kids.

I think that Bruce MacMillan and Pat Hutchins have books that address math topics. Hutchins has The Doorbell Rang, about a batch of cookies that keeps getting divided into smaller servings as more children arrive at a party.

Greg Tang has several math riddles books that are probably fun for older children. I have another math games book called Midnight Math by Peter Ledwon that might be useful in a few years.

Marilyn Burns has lots of books on math, though they are probably for elementary aged kids. She has some readers with simpler concepts as well.

Toys/Manipulatives:
Playing cards, dice, dominoes -- really basic toys that teach math.
We also have an abacus, which I don't really know how to use, but I was able to use it to demonstrate how 10 can be arrived at by lots of different ways (9+1, 8+2, etc.). This was handy after DD made her comment that only 7+3=10. I think it helped her visualize.

I really love playing cards and even came up with a few games (probably modified from games I'd read in resource books) teaching ordering. I'll post those some other time. If you want them and I haven't posted them, e-mail me and I'll do it. Even basic games like War and Go Fish teach concepts like greater than/less than and matching.

The Leap Pad toy for which you can by books and cartridges. She's asked for a few of the math games, so I buy them and figure she's probably learning something from them. If not, she's at least working on her fine motor skills with the stylus.

Resources for Parents:
These are hsing and other books for parents/teachers and are either all about math or include sections on teaching math.

Helping Your Child Learn Mathematics -- free from the feds.

Eenie Meenie Miney Math, Math Play for You and Your Preschooler by Linda Allison and Martha Weston

Homeschooling the Early Years by Linda Dobson

Peggy Kaye wrote Games for Math to help teachers and parents.

The Complete Home Learning Source Book by Rebecca Rupp

Cathy Duffy and Mary Pride author hs curriculum guides that include math resources.

I love John Holt, and in Learning All the Time and Teach Your Own, he has some hints for unschooling math. One suggestion I really like is doing a multiplication grid -- numbering from 1 to 10 across the x and y axes and filling in the products and the intersecting grids. I love the idea of seeing the relationships of the numbers as opposed to writing them or doing flashcards (ugh).

Websites:
I saw these listed on a hsing group, I don't know much about them.

http://www.livingmath.net/Index.html

http://www.naturalmath.com/

The Prophetic Function of Clergy

A recent editorial in the Washington Post argues that the Presbyterian church should not have issued a resolution condemning the war in Iraq becuase he "feared it would have a polarizing effect. It was a divider, not a uniter."

I don't know if I would have been interested in this topic if it wasn't for a recent post on Larry's blog.

The editorial is interesting, I think, but I don't agree with it. Perhaps I'm more black and white than shades of gray, but I get frustrated with the idea that you can't say anything unless most people agree with it (though I can see why majority rule for a denominational resolution might be a good idea; if the denomination makes a resolution, shouldn't most of the denomination agree with it?). If the invasion of Iraq was "unwise, immoral and illegal" whatever the majority says does not matter.

In some ways, I have little sympathy for the Presbyterian church, in large part because of all the troubles the Episcopal church is having over the issue of consecrating a gay bishop. Then again, that was a majority decision -- but was it right? I don't know, but the pain it has caused is very real and it is continuing. I'm not saying they shouldn't have done it, though.

What is the function of clergy anyway? To speak the truth? To facilitate discussion? To save our souls? To guide us to mental health? To manage a church?

Love is the Key to Happiness

cue music "Love makes the world go round..."

But seriously, a post and its subsequent comments on Larry's blog has me thinking about the importance of love. Larry mentions it as an antidote to mood swings; my friend, Barely Attentive Mother queries this. While I entirely agree with Larry, I was trying to figure out why -- that is what I hope to do in this post.

The Barely Attentive Mother and I are friends in real life and when she was over once for a playdate for our daughters, I showed her a children's picture book, The Three Questions by Jon J. Muth. The book is based on a story by Leo Tolstoy and in it, a little boy poses three questions to his friends: when is the best time to do things, who is the most important one, and what is the right thing to do? I wanted to share this book with Barely because of her interest in Buddhism and the note in the book that the story follows Zen principles (she's not particularly interested in Zen Buddhism, but what difference does that make to a narrow-minded Protestant who doesn't really understand any of it? he he) Well, the answers to the questions are (don't read this if it will ruin the book for you): now, the person you're with, and to do good for the one you're with. To me, doing good for the one you're with is showing love for them.

I recently grabbed a book at the library, Stone Soup. Its a familiar tale of clever visitors who induce reluctant townspeople to share by piqueing their curiosity about how stones can make a delicious soup; I thought it would be a nice story for my 4 year-old. Interestingly, this version of the story was written by Jon J. Muth and is set in China and the visitors are Zen monks. In the story, the townspeople are alienated from each other as a result of the hard times they have endured. The book follows the traditional story, one by one, the villagers add items to the pot, making the soup by sharing with one another. Muth ends the book with the villagers thanking the monks, "with the gifts you have given, we will always have plenty. You have shown us that sharing makes us all richer." "And to think," said the monks, "to be happy is as simple as making stone soup."

Does this prove my point? Maybe, maybe not. It does lead me to note that Muth states in an Author's Note that he uses a trick from the Buddha story tradition, where tricksters spread enlightenment rather than seeking gain for themselves. I find myself asking, how is this tradition any different from the parables told by Jesus. (Larry has noted -- on two blogs -- that Jesus and the Buddha are brothers).

I can't help adding that my conclusion is that the meaning of life is the search for God (its a lifelong search). To seek happiness is a basic human drive, love is the key to happiness and God is love (as shown to us through Jesus). QED. Okay, maybe its not a solid proof, but perhaps I'm persuasive...or not.

Unschooling at Work

I started feeling a bit anxious a few days ago that I haven't been doing anything with my 4 year-old DD that would count as homeschooling. I wasn't teaching her, didn't see any learning going on, I must be failing. Later, I talked with a good hs friend of mine and she suggested that this is just a year when I can practice my hsing technique and not worry. Really, what do preschoolers need to learn? Not all the much and DD is right on target, at least. FYI, there are lots of websites that have skills lists for different ages, so I'm not flying solo on this, I check them now and then.

While I'm not a high energy arts and crafts type, I've been thinking that my 'read only' approach is probably not enough at this point. DD hasn't really felt like sitting down for long reading sessions like she used to. My DH reads to her at night and perhaps thats all she wants right now. Maybe she was more interested in being read to months ago because she was learning to read and now she's interested in developing other skills. All I really know is that I keep checking out loads of books from the library and we're not reading them. Maybe its time to change course a bit.

Monday, we had a couple of hours at a playground with friends and in the afternoon, DD and I made pumpkin bread from a mix. We had to add 1/3 cup oil, 1/2 cup water and 1 cup of pumpkin. As we added the oil and water, I took advantage of the opportunity to point out the fractions on the measuring cup. I pointed to the various measures for oil and water and asked her which we added more of. She said water, score one from hsing mom. As she stirred the mixture, I mentally noted that she was working on fine motor skill development. I set the timer for the bread to bake and talked about how long it would take -- more math.

While the bread baked, I decided to start dinner. She got more fine motor development by mixing (the recipe is an old favorite, so I no longer measure anything formally).

Yesterday we had more spontaneous hsing. She wanted to do a leaf collage, so she collected leaves and pasted them on paper on the porch. I told her she could not bring the leaves into the house (they were moldy and disintegrating) but that if she wanted, she could make a leaf collage out of construction paper that she could bring inside. I have cookie cutters that look like maple leaves, oak leaves and acorns. For each shape, there are 3 different sizes, so I had 9 cookie cutters. While she was working on her real leaf collage, I traced some leaf and acorn shapes of various sizes and cut them out. She started playing with them. She compared the various sizes of the leaves, she sorted them in different ways -- by type, by size and by the color of the construction paper. She matched them to the cookie cutters. She had a lot of fun with all this and I never suggested any of it -- I thought she'd just glue them on paper. I was very pleased because these are the sorts of activities that are suggested in various books for learning math skills and I didn't have to force them on her, she did it on her own.

So I'm feeling a bit reinvigorated about hsing. I prefer a low key, unschooling, literature based approach. I'm all for reading and researching activities, but I have a hard time making myself do them and I really don't want to try to make her do them. Its very encouraging to know that it all works out. Even though I didn't set up the learning activity, she found it for herself.

Introduction to Summerhill

Okay, I haven't been posting much lately, so I'll put up something for contemplation.

I mentioned Summerhill in an earlier post, its a school in England where the children are free to attend class or not. Its pretty radical. The head of the school, A.S. Neil, also wrote a book about it, Summerhill. From his introduction:

"What is the province of psychology? I suggest the word curing....The only curing that should be practiced is the curing of unhappiness.

"The difficult child is the child who is unhappy. He is at war with himself; and in consequence, he is at war with the world.

"The difficult adult is in the same boat. No happy man ever disturbed a meeting, or preached a war....No happy woman ever nagged her husband or her children....

"All crimes, all hatreds, all wars can be reduced to unhappiness. This book is an attempt to show how unhappiness arises, how it ruins human lives, and how children can be reared so that much of this happiness will never arise...."

Tantalizing, I think. Where is the quick fix to get me to stop nagging my husband and kids? I do know that when I'm feeling happy, I don't nag, I have more patience, I'm a better person to be around. But how do I hold on to that fleeting happiness?

I'm very interested in the intersection of religion/faith and psychology, so I think one's faith plays a large part in their happiness. More on that later...

Amazing Grace

I attended an adult education lecture at my church last Sunday and we had a wonderful speaker. I just wanted to share some of the notes I took on this lecture.

The speaker said that grace is God's love in action and quoted from the passage about Jesus' baptism in the Gospel of John. As Jesus is being baptized in the river Jordan, a dove descends upon him and a voice says "This is my beloved." The speaker spoke of Jesus being the recipient of God's grace, which enabled him to withstand the trials he would face in his ministry and, ultimately, his crucifixion.

The speaker noted that we are also God's beloved and recipients of his grace. He said that its hard for us to accept this because it runs contrary to the way we think; we want to earn our way, not be passive acceptors of an undeserved gift. Its interesting to think about, I know it can be hard to accept a gift -- I want to have one to give in return and if I don't, I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I don't want the gift I'm given. I know that I've given gifts that were unwanted.

The speaker said that we are often threatened by grace. It doesn't play by the rules of society. The bad are recipients of this grace just as much as the good, who 'deserve' it.

Finally, the speaker said that we need to internalize this grace. I wanted to ask him how.