Chastised!

We went on a field trip today to the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. I love the cathedral and have visited many times -- my brother was even ordained there. The field trip was through a homeschooling field trip group to which we belong -- all homeschooled kids from babies to about 6.

When I go into public with my kids, I feel like Greg Focker in the water volleyball scene from the movie Meet the Parents. They are playing volleyball and he keeps missing or flubbing shots and everyone gives him a hard time about it -- he finally gets mad and spikes a shot -- it hits the bride-to-me right in the face. "Its only a game, Focker" is derisively yelled at him. He can't win. When I'm out with my kids, I can't win -- I'm either too uptight and people give me the vibe that I need to relax or I'm too relaxed and I encounter uptight people who want me to rein in the kids. I don't really enjoy going out in public when its just me and the kids because of this -- plus, its exhausting, but I joined the group because my girls like it and maybe I can learn how to behave. When my DH is home, we often go out but that's a different dynamic -- I have a helper and an ally.

At the end of our field trip, we went into the gift shop. I was worried about my kids and breakable things but my kids are not destructive so I wasn't too worried. There were some toys my kids were looking at, but I moved them along so I could look at some sale books.

An older woman sidles up to me as I'm thumbing through a picture book. She says something along the lines of "kids don't understand sarcasm. I know because I'm a grandmother. Its a big 'no-no.'" I don't know what I said to her, maybe something like "oh, okay." I was trying to think of what I had said that was sarcastic. I figured I was already being sanctioned for being a bad mom and that admitting that I had no idea what I had said would be further evidence of bad mothering. I was also thinking that my oldest is beginning to learn what sarcasm is because we've discussed it. Only about 40 minutes earlier, she had actually asked me "mom, are you being sarcastic?" Again, I thought this is probably evidence of bad mothering since it would show that whatever sarcasm I had just used was not an isolated incident. Thus, I went with "oh, okay."

I seriously picked my brain for the next hour trying to identify what sarcasm I used. I think it might have been when my younger DD was looking at some soft, stacking blocks and she showed them to me. I said something about them being nice and maybe I said "just what I need, more toys in the house" or something to that effect. I'd also argue that I wasn't actually saying it to the child, but I'm guessing that muttering sarcastic comments around the kids is another bad mother indicator.

I agree that belittling comments are not to be used with children and that can include a certain kind of pointed, mean sarcasm. My sarcasm tends to be light-hearted and along the lines of "oh, just what I need." I also talk to myself -- out loud -- a lot. I know I've used it at home when my DH is around and he lets me know when I'm out of line, so I think I'm okay, but I'm interested to know what you think.

Oh well, its probably karma from the non-pregnant woman incident.

NOTE: comments on this post can be found here.

Odd, but True

There's no doubt about it: you're eccentric. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You don't hesistate one bit when it comes to talking about squeamish topics. Although you like to have peace and quiet, you often find excitement in a random crisis or two. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Okay, I don't have a tongue stud, but the rest has the ring of the familiar.

Thanks to Robbo for the link to this quiz.

Revenge of the Sith

Loved it. I think I'm not supposed to, I think I'm supposed to be disappointed in the wooden acting and implausible plot-lines. Sorry, loved it.
Personally, I don't think the originals were that much better, I think its the passing of a few decades that makes us more discriminating. Okay, enough, I don't need to defend myself here. But I will explain myself -- I loved the fundamental question -- how does one become evil? I originally thought the story might be something along the lines of what might have happened if Jesus had taken the Devil up on his temptations before he began his Earthly ministry (yeah, that Bible thing I mentioned). I thought it would be more like Anakin deciding he didn't want to fulfill the prophecy and save the galaxy, that he'd rather have power. It wasn't really like that, though. It was more about the perversion of love/attachment and how it can blinding it can be. I totally loved Yoda doing the Buddhist priest thing with Anakin, who is definitely more Western in his thinking. You must let go Yoda says essentially. Wasn't working for Ani, he was more interested in keeping what he had. I also liked the moral ambiguities throughout and I found Anakin's choice to be plausible. That he became such a dedicated disciple to the dark side so quickly was a bit mind-boggling, but if you're going to pledge allegiance to a murderer, you'd better do it full force -- there is no half-way there. BTW, I took three years of Latin in high school and I always think of that when I hear Yoda putting his verbs at the end of his sentences. I haven't taken any other foreign languages, perhaps, as well, they do it.

The Tooth Fairy and Other Lies

My five-year-old lost her first tooth last week. She literally lost it, didn't even know it was gone. She came over to tell me something and I thought she looked funny. She opened wide and the tooth was gone -- I don't think she even knew it. Don't know where it went -- maybe she swallowed it. It was very One Morning in Maine, except we don't live in Maine and it happened inside the house.

I told my friends. One of them asked what the tooth fairy brought. Um, nothing. Suzanne never mentioned the tooth fairy, so I didn't raise the issue.

Here's my problem. Years ago at a playgroup, the butcher's wife mentioned how Santa Claus is the first time many parents purposefully lie to their kids. For some reason, this really struck me. Since then, I haven't played up Santa Claus, she gets enough of it from our culture. We've read books about the historical Santa Claus but I don't really get into the nitty gritty of telling her he's real or unreal, but none of her presents are from Santa -- they come from mom and dad. The same friend who asked about what the tooth fairy brought also asked what Santa brought. She must think I'm a nutcase, maybe thats why she's always so nice to Suzanne.

Anyway, I guess Suzanne hasn't heard much about the tooth fairy -- if she had and had expected a visit, she would have gotten one. But I'm not bringing it up. I'm thinking she's probably headed for therapy and I'm headed for hell.

Deep Thoughts by Starbucks

While riding the Metro train today, I looked at a Starbucks ad for Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino Coffee. The ad asked:

When Did Our Seasons Become Fiscal Quarters?

Dunno, maybe around the same time that small became tall and large became grande.

P.S. Come see what my friend, Anne, and I are chatting about at chocolate and peanut butter!

God and Birthday Parties

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that months ago I was a bit concerned that we didn't have many friends to invite to Suzanne's birthday party. We had lost about 5 families of friends to moves over the last year. I said a little prayer that we might make more friends. I haven't been faithful in prayer recently, and my prayers have been few and far between and usually asking for something.

Be careful what you pray for -- I was sweating the guest list a few weeks ago because we'd met about three new families of friends and had rekindled a friendship with another family. While it was stressful to think of a house filled with kids, it was quite awesome to realize how fortunate we were to have so many people with whom we wanted to share this special day.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not just for the friends, but for these beautiful, sweet children you've entrusted to my care and for this wonderful man that you've given me as a partner for life.

Guess its about time to get my spiritual life back on track.

Birthday Party Post Mortem -- unclimber version

There is also a version of this post over at chocolate and peanut butter.

I'm a research kind of gal. I love to research, its actualizing things that gives me problems. I looked at many, many books on birthday parties -- themes, games, decorating. I found two books -- one was some book by Family Fun magazine, it had a suggestion for baking cupcakes in ice cream cones (cake cones). It said you can bake them right in the cones, simply add the batter about halfway up the cone and then bake them in muffin tins to hold the cones upright. I did not attempt this feat but may at some future date.

The other book I enjoyed was by the perennial girlfriend, Vicki Iovine (with Peg Rosen, who probably did the writing). This book had lots of great tips, mainly because the authors took a very realistic approach to the whole subject. From this book, I took advice about goody bags and went with a sandpail as the container. I also added stickers, a baby sandpail (an Oriental Trading misrepresentation. Dimensions for sandpails may be up to an inch off and are measured with the handle up, apparently), and a little beachball. Vicki is anti-pinata and spoke my mind when she asked why anyone would blindfold a child, give them a bat, and send them out swinging in the middle of a pack of over-excited kids.

Our party was pretty simple. I'm an 'un' so I'm not into micromanaging things. I'll put craft stuff out, but I don't really want to tell kids what to do with the supplies, I'd rather let them decide. However, I realize this isn't always the best approach, especially at a party where kids might be a bit overwhelmed in a crowd of kids they may or may not know very well. They seemed glad for the distraction and direction. I mentioned over at choc&pb that I put out paper lunch bags, googly eyes and other materials so the kids could make puppets. I'm not sure how many of them actually did that, though I think more did than I had realized. There was also a 'bookmark-making' station where the kids could put stickers on strips of paper. Again, this gave the kids something to do, a pint-sized 'ice-breaker' if you will. I was really hoping for good weather for an outdoor party, so these were pretty lame offerings. There are plenty of craft books, magazines, and website that have cool ideas.

There was also free-play outside with bubbles and sidewalk chalk and wagon rides and an open playhouse in the backyard. We had the obligatory cake and 'frost your own' cupcakes (I ran out of time making the frosting and didn't have time to frost them). I completely forgot about ice cream -- I forgot to buy it even though I had meant to and I never even noticed until an hour after the party ended. Suzanne still hasn't noticed the absence of ice cream.

Good things about the party:
--frost your own cupcakes. This was a hit, probably because kids love being given choices (chocolate or vanilla frosting) and responsibility (I can spread that myself). And they love sugar. Note to self: have a bigger area and seating for all the kids next year. Expansion possibilities: decorate your own cupcake with decorator icing in tubes, sprinkles or other candies.

--snack bags. At Michael's, I had bought some colorful mini paper bags. I filled these with popcorn and thought this worked out well for a snack as opposed to having large bowls filled with munchies. Each child was able to grab a bag and go off wherever while still munching the snack (i.e. it got them out of my kitchen). I'll have to remember this for future parties.

--kids love crafts and flock to them, but I think they also like some direction. Next year, find a cool (time-consuming) craft and get all the supplies necessary.

--DH being the MC of games

-- DD was happy with party

Bad things about the party:
--confusion for mom -- part of this was the unpredicatable weather, was this an indoor or outdoor party? Better preparation would cut down on confusion.

--flustered mom moving furniture to make room causing 2 1/2 year old to fall and bleed. Ice fixes everything but I'm still upset.

--dead time after the cake. This would have been an ideal time for present-opening, but I can't handle the consumer frenzy and confusion. She opened her gifts after the party, quietly, enjoying each of them as long as she wanted without being urged to 'hurry up' and open more. Also, the peacefulness of the activity allowed me time to write down what gift came from whom and note anything cute Suzanne might have said that I can include in the thank-you note.

The after-cake dead time would have been a good time to play a game but the MC was still busy icing and calming the bloody 2 year-old. Also, the kids had scattered around the house. Dunno, I'm all for quiet times to sit and hang out and talk, but maybe thats not a good thing at a child's birthday party.


Ideas for next year:
--off-site party, perhaps on a cruise ship to the bahamas

--additional 'make your own' station for the parents with various kinds of alcohol, mixers, shot glasses, and those shaker things.